i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
