On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
it glows. i had to have it.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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