I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
