I want to make a zoo with you.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
