id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
