Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
