i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
