btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
