I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
