I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
