I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
