"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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