glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Randomize
