Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
