long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
