Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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