Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize