i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
