the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
