Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
