i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
