Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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