I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
