you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
