I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
