my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
