Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
