NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
