my sisters under your porch take her home
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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