Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
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I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
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I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize