My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
