the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize