Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
