dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
