I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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