There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
