If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He? As in you personified your dick?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I forget how to act sober
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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