dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
