he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
