I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
