I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
