Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
