the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
