I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
