I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
