Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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