When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
