we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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