Only a mothe r could love this liver
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
