Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
