I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
