Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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