no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
