Jerry, you need to find god
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
