just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Two words: blizzard sex
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
