hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
