So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize
