I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
