No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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