ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
