I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
