Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My ass is underappreciated
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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