and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
