I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
