As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
