I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
