Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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