A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
