ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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