Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
