Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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