I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
