Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
