If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
