I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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