So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
