I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I think I won the penis lottery.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
