Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
