Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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