he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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