yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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