office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
