You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.