Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
